The "NOT-SO-SOCIAL" Social life

"Good morning!" I am what's app'ed by a meaning well-wisher and I return the favour by wishing him/her the same. A few pleasantries are exchanged and then we all carry on with the rest of our days..

Grumbling, laughing, hating-each-moment of the day, being happy for another day in your life, delighted at the break of dawn, being irritated with just about everything in life..each of us feeling differently as we open our eyes- are wished and prayed for having a good morning! I often wonder do these forwarded messages really mean anything ? Or are they just forwarded because in a group on what's app you can't be the one left behind in wishing all and sundry and telling them how good your morning feels! What is even more annoying is, you might have not wished a "Good Morning" to the person sleeping next to you or your family at home, but marking your presence in the virtual world is more important and way beyond your presence in the real world.

People often think checking in at various spots and displaying them on your timeline adds to the cool quotient, and what is even better click a selfie and post it there! Look how cool my life is! ( I am also guilty of doing the first one, but sometimes the bug does get onto you i guess ;-) ) . Bugger as you sit in your blanket on a cold winter day, gritting your teeth and taking your sinusitis pills and laughing to some stupid comedy show on T.V. and thinking I am enjoying life! Well, reality check-- here's my life, taking me to places, making me travel to all the hottest joints in town, making me have a zillion friends ( who might never be around when I need them the most!) see how gloated I feel. As if they are announcing to the world their's is the only life worth living and you all are living but a sham!

 Image courtesy: Google Images

But then come to think of it, this person is only interested in updating his Facebook or what's app status and according to me, is not really having a good time, because if he would have then he would have completely forgotten about the phone and updating the darn status! 

Another agenda in these people's lives is to get dressed and change your DP everyday and garner as many likes as you possibly could.. In fact, some go to the extent of asking you to like their new DP! Not that I mind doing it, but imagine how hard we are struggling for acceptance here! We want to be liked by people and to be accepted by them even in the virtual world!

You can send 10 thousand smileys over the phone, but when the person is in front of you, if you don't care so much as to even pass a smile, makes it all look like a façade!

How I wish those simple days where people used to pick up the phone to call and wish a birthday, or an anniversary or another important day in someone's life could come back! How I wish, people would actually look at you all dressed up and appreciate how you looked, rather than liking your DP..

We might be sitting next to a friend in a coffee shop, but if all we can think of doing at that point in time is to check the last tinker of your phone ( a what's app message is received ), then we really need to think where our relationships are headed! 

When did the virtual world transgress so heavily into the real world? And why were we quiet when this was happening? Why did we let it happen?

I think the SOCIALITY of the SOCIAL LIFE , robbed us of the REAL LIFE!!!

 Image Courtesy: Google Images

P.S. The thoughts expressed above are only my point of view and are not to point out towards anyone..

P.P.S. The up-side is, it does help when you have forgotten someone's birthday and Facebook reminds you! ;-)

Where did she go wrong?

So this woman I know, was married to a wife- beater, one who used to unfurl abuses on her whenever he felt like and never did anything worth while in his entire life, expect for splurging away whatever little income the woman earned. He never allowed her to create a home, it always remained a house..

But everyone around was very happy, because she bore him two children and would have the long vermilion mark on her forehead and would wear bangles and be the dutiful wife that she was expected to be in our society. Bear the brunt of this man's beatings, but still continue to lay in bed for him and give birth to his children. Keep hearing an abuse or two, but still go back home and cook the most elaborate meal for him. Let him steal and sell all your jewellery, but you continue earning and running the household because it's your duty. 

So it was a great set-up. and everything was working smoothly. The woman was respected amongst the people for doing all that she did, and she never did utter a word of discontentment to anyone. Only her body would let out signs of what was happening to her. The bruised cheek or the swollen eye, could not be hidden so well under the vermilion and the bangles after all!! But respect she was getting in plenty for being the hard worker in the house.. No one dared interfere because it was none of their business. 

Soon after I came in contact with this woman, her husband died. In one of his drunk driving adventures he had met with an accident and couldn't survive. So the woman should have been distraught by her husband's death because she was a dutiful wife, right!!!

Well soon after his death when I got a chance to speak with her, she said for the first time in my life the house feels like home! My children are happier because no more beating episodes and I am able to buy things for the house, since no one is stealing my money. But loosing respect in the eyes of the society, was her fate now, of course because she was a widow! How could she still dress up so well, her husband had passed away recently.. How could she be happy, when she had recently been widowed. It was an eye-sore for the people around to see her happy.

And I saw her status descending further in the eyes of the so called well wishers, when she moved in with another man. She all of a sudden was a character less woman and people would avoid even talking to her. Now if an illiterate person told me this, I would have given it to the ignorance but the well educated class talking such was completely unacceptable to me. 

What wrong did she do? She didn't abandon her husband and elope with her lover leaving her kids behind! She had been a dutiful wife, despite all the adversities she faced in her married life. She had stood by the husband, no matter how much he beat her or harassed her. She had been there for him and for the family no matter how much unhappiness it brought her. Now that the husband was no more, she was trying to find some love and peace, and why was it wrong??? Doesn't she have the right to live a happy life? Just because she had fallen in love with another man, who treats her with respect and gives her the love she desired, she became a woman of loose character!

I fail to understand the ways of the society, why all the expectations from the woman only? What if her husband would have left her and gone away, the mistake would still have been of the woman, because she was not able keep him! 

Toxic!!

She - a free bird, strong willed, fun-loving, devil-may-care attitude.

He - caring, sincere, grounded and extremely loving.

His love had provided a nest to this free bird, which she thought she needed.

Things were going fine, and then the love started brushing off… The roles were getting reversed and he was becoming more of a free bird and the devil-may-care attitude.

But did she want him to be that, because the whole idea of her falling for him was because of the fact that he was so unlike her?

He started caring less and less for her needs and her wants, started getting annoyed by her constant bickering (whereas she thought she was being caring) , started losing his temper on things which earlier were not so irritating for him, started giving her less and less time because work demanded more and more time.

Of course she understood, he was working hard for their own better future, but what was becoming of the present, was making her think if they would ever have that future.

The lovey-dovey conversations had turned into who did what and who did not do what, and who’s mistake was it and who’s mistake was it not, and who should have taken more care and who should have stayed out of other’s business. She was of the opinion that his business was her business, at least which was how it was until now. When were these lines drawn and why was she oblivious to these?

Was she responsible for this attitude of is? Was it actually only her behavior which was leading to him behaving this way, as he often said,” My action is only a reaction to your action”.  So was it only her who was ruining it all? Had she really transgressed (however unknowingly) to a zone where the only person she loved the most couldn't tolerate another comment, another question, another what-ever from her? They were fighting more and loving less. But I a sure the love is there somewhere!

But what could she do? She only had him as a friend now and it came naturally to her to depend wholly on him and no one else. Whereas he still had his group of friends, he still had his occasional outings with colleagues; he still had some event or the other to attend. And in the midst of all this he became so occupied that sometimes he didn't have any time to even sms her forget about calling her for hours together.

Maybe it was her fault after all, that she only had her life revolving around him, that she was not as busy as him (or even if she was, she always had time for him) , that she had made herself more and more dispensable!!!

 She rarely got answers from him without and argument, and thus she kept finding faults within herself, what was lacking in her, why was she causing the repulsion, was she really so annoying that you couldn't talk straight to her for anything? This was toxic! It was making her feel more and more useless, making her feel unwanted and unloved, making her feel like running away somewhere and never coming back!!

Not sure what should she do? What should I tell her to do/ what should I tell any woman in such a relationship to do?

You know where the love is still there, but dying a slow death. And both of them are in it, because i-don’t-know they are just in it!

Take it NO MORE

I watched and pondered and pondered some more and then some more about the rape cases covered in the Satyamev Jayate episode aired last weekend.

The statistics said it all- so it's not about the dress, the age, the looks, the time at which she chooses to venture out, she is out with a male friend  or the chowmein or the junk food that one eats which instigate a rapist. IN YOUR FACE people who blamed girls all this while, they got it because they were asking for it!!!

What has been on my mind for quite sometime now is the number of cases, which are never registered. Or rather the number of girls who never muster enough strength to as much as go to their parents and confide that something this brutal has happened with them.

And is it just the rape which harms the modesty of the girl? Recently came to know of a girl on whom there was a rape attempt.

This girl was on her way to college, in her regular means of transport; the auto-rickshaw, at her usual time- around 8-ish in the morning, in a very hustling and bustling part of the city. And the auto driver had the audacity of trying to impose himself on her, in bright day light! Thankfully a fellow Samaritan noticed what was happening and rescued the girl from the situation. The auto driver fled from the situation and the girl was in no condition to even have noted the number of the auto.

And the girl ignored the act completely and went to the college without reporting a thing!! It was only once she reached the college and collapsed , that her friends noticed the scars on her body and eventually on her soul. Soul because, such incident would not just scar your body, but your soul and the rest of your life will be spent in reliving that night mare again and again in your dreams with a lot of what-if's.

I know there's a lot of stigma attached to the rape victim, but not reporting it? Are you indirectly telling the rapist, that this is acceptable and you can go ahead and try this with someone else ( and maybe even succeed -- God Forbid! ) and then you can walk this earth Scot-free.

I didn't know this girl personally and the identity was kept a secret because obviously the college authorities didn't want any defamation of their institute!

My serious advice to this and any girl- Stay Strong and Fight Hard! You don't need to be ashamed of someone else's devilish act. Report it, no matter how much resistance you face from the police or the neighbors. High time these bastards are taught a lesson.

On this Woman's day, we can only resolve within ourselves- we would not take shit and not be the sufferer any longer!! No Rape attempts will be ignored and no domestic violence will be tolerated!!

Hokey-Pokey baby!...

I didn't think this Indian love for "Ungli karna" read POKING in English was so universal!

Here I sit idle in front of my computer, nothing more to check on Facebook, ok-- let's start poking!! And thus starts the biggest fight in history. You poke some and you get poked in return and then you poke some more and so it goes! Poke! Poke! Poke! Poke! 

Image Courtesy: Google Images

So, why would someone poke someone? Few excuses I could think of :-

1. I just thought of reminding you of my divine presence on this planet and really have got nothing    else to say to you. Please receive my poke ;-)

2. I have been thinking about you and talking to you, but really have got nothing else to say to you..Here comes my mighty POKE!

3. You irritate me, but are still in my friend list! POKE YOU!

4. Just for the heck of it, Poke, Poke, Poke!

5. This is my way of introducing myself to you..Although you might be a complete stranger, with no common friends what-so-ever!%&^%**^%# Poke!

6. Send me a friend request, I might be an old friend of your's...I will keep Poking you till the end of days! Poke!

7. I just wanted to nudge you, but that option is not available on Facebook..Hence you get the Poke!

8. I am very competitive , I start my own fight and decide to win it. So no matter how many times you poke me back I would ensure that I win this war and Poke!

9. I am in love with "ungli karna" and what better way than the beautiful Finger available on FB! Poke!

10. You are not aware of the sexual connotations of Poking someone?? Great! Let me derive as much voyeuristic pleasure out of poking you as possible! Poke!

And after all this research

Girl=Boy= BULLSHIT!!

As I entered the women only coach in the metro, I wondered how the day went, and how soon can  reach back home. It has sort of become a ritual with me, despite traveling on the same train every day I can't help but count how many stations till I reach my destination..


So yes, somewhere between me counting the stations, there enters a family of four on the third or fourth-- a lady with two kids a boy and a girl, accompanied by her mother.. I couldn't help but notice them, since the kids were running all about and the granny was screaming her lungs out trying to restrain them.

[I am not going on the rape/molestation/assault/eve-teasing tangent here in this post, since that's a different place altogether, where men view women as only a sex object and nothing else ( Disclaimer: the men in point being the one's who carry out such acts of indecency and not all men ) . ]

I am talking about us women, and what level of respect do we offer to each other?

This was all evident in the way the granny behaved with the girl and the boy. The boy must be tired, hence begins the search for a place to sit and have him seated in her lap, whereas the girl can stand holding the luggage. The boy can do the same mischief and get away with it, but if the girl did it, she had it.. Both the kids were hungry, but oh the boy must be fed first, since the girl needs to understand patience and tolerance for her life ahead! And what life are you preparing her for? To be quiet and tolerate prejudices??? Why?

How silly of me to ask, of course because she is a girl and tomorrow needs to go to another house and there what kind of treatment is meted out to her, who knows, so she better be prepared before hand. Hence start treating her like that right here, right now. Do not make her feel like a princess, because then she will get used to it and wouldn't be able to adjust in the new house....

I am not an active woman emancipator, but am not the one to ignore such things as well. I remember as a child, when one of the aunts used to tell me that her sons be fed first and I should wait for my turn after serving them, I used to set out a plate full of meal for them and start eating it myself *winks*.. If I can wait for my meal, why can't they be taught the same patience *evil grin*

How much ever we sit in funky offices and talk about India becoming an empowered nation and how women are treated equally at various designations, the ground reality still remains that she is the trending topic for gossip ( and especially by us women ) if she enjoys having a drag or two in public. My opinion is, let her be- who told you to act like her granny and do her moral policing?

And if these are the thoughts of the educated class, I really am not surprised to see such prejudices by the not-so-educated ones..

Forgive and forget?

No matter how much u hate certain things, situations, people, or circumstances or events, sometimes you just have to put up with them. Is it worth it, ask me not, as I would not answer.

They say live in oblivion and ignore such things/people/comments/circumstances! Is that even possible? 

Can you ignore a deep gash on your leg which is bleeding and pretend that it isn't there? Likewise, it isn't that simple to be oblivious of your surroundings and things. If something bothers you it bothers you, period! 

Now some would say forgive and forget, no mister I ain't cut out of that stone and am no saint either. 

So what does one do in such a situation? You tell me?

At least for me , it has never been easy to let go of the hurt which someone has caused me. No matter how hard I try, some traces of pain still remain in my system. I know, life is too short to be thinking about what someone did but I guess some people are just made this way...