Girl=Boy= BULLSHIT!!

As I entered the women only coach in the metro, I wondered how the day went, and how soon can  reach back home. It has sort of become a ritual with me, despite traveling on the same train every day I can't help but count how many stations till I reach my destination..


So yes, somewhere between me counting the stations, there enters a family of four on the third or fourth-- a lady with two kids a boy and a girl, accompanied by her mother.. I couldn't help but notice them, since the kids were running all about and the granny was screaming her lungs out trying to restrain them.

[I am not going on the rape/molestation/assault/eve-teasing tangent here in this post, since that's a different place altogether, where men view women as only a sex object and nothing else ( Disclaimer: the men in point being the one's who carry out such acts of indecency and not all men ) . ]

I am talking about us women, and what level of respect do we offer to each other?

This was all evident in the way the granny behaved with the girl and the boy. The boy must be tired, hence begins the search for a place to sit and have him seated in her lap, whereas the girl can stand holding the luggage. The boy can do the same mischief and get away with it, but if the girl did it, she had it.. Both the kids were hungry, but oh the boy must be fed first, since the girl needs to understand patience and tolerance for her life ahead! And what life are you preparing her for? To be quiet and tolerate prejudices??? Why?

How silly of me to ask, of course because she is a girl and tomorrow needs to go to another house and there what kind of treatment is meted out to her, who knows, so she better be prepared before hand. Hence start treating her like that right here, right now. Do not make her feel like a princess, because then she will get used to it and wouldn't be able to adjust in the new house....

I am not an active woman emancipator, but am not the one to ignore such things as well. I remember as a child, when one of the aunts used to tell me that her sons be fed first and I should wait for my turn after serving them, I used to set out a plate full of meal for them and start eating it myself *winks*.. If I can wait for my meal, why can't they be taught the same patience *evil grin*

How much ever we sit in funky offices and talk about India becoming an empowered nation and how women are treated equally at various designations, the ground reality still remains that she is the trending topic for gossip ( and especially by us women ) if she enjoys having a drag or two in public. My opinion is, let her be- who told you to act like her granny and do her moral policing?

And if these are the thoughts of the educated class, I really am not surprised to see such prejudices by the not-so-educated ones..

Forgive and forget?

No matter how much u hate certain things, situations, people, or circumstances or events, sometimes you just have to put up with them. Is it worth it, ask me not, as I would not answer.

They say live in oblivion and ignore such things/people/comments/circumstances! Is that even possible? 

Can you ignore a deep gash on your leg which is bleeding and pretend that it isn't there? Likewise, it isn't that simple to be oblivious of your surroundings and things. If something bothers you it bothers you, period! 

Now some would say forgive and forget, no mister I ain't cut out of that stone and am no saint either. 

So what does one do in such a situation? You tell me?

At least for me , it has never been easy to let go of the hurt which someone has caused me. No matter how hard I try, some traces of pain still remain in my system. I know, life is too short to be thinking about what someone did but I guess some people are just made this way...

Encounter!!

We were in the same school since kindergarten, and often used to be in the opposite groups specially when it came to all the rivalries ( be it the-who will be chosen by the music teacher for the next annual day group song, or which section will win the maths/science/xyz quiz ).
This because we were in different sections. But despite all the rivalry between the sections, we were friends.

Spending hours talking over the phone, the sleepovers and those cat calls during the sleep overs, mall walking aimlessly and shopping to our heart's content with the saved pocket money used to be our favorite pastimes.

It was in 9th standard that we decided we were grown up enough to go out for a movie all by ourselves, without having either set of parents to watch us. And we decided to go to the theater farthest from home. And since it was a Hollywood movie, gosh were we glad that the parents were not accompanying us.. We'll be able to watch the entire movie and would not need to excuse ourselves to the washroom, each time they show so much as a kiss on the screen ;-) ...

It was the four of us who went for the movie, had awesome fun and returned home, little realizing the  fact that we were way beyond our curfews.. After all who cares what timelines are set by the parents to return home, once you are out with friends. Mobile phones were not a fashion accessory at that time, and us being the less fashionable one's were of course deprived of the luxury. Hence, no phone calls from mom-dad inquiring about our whereabouts. So once we reach our respective homes, the sequence of events which ensued at our places was somehow almost similar.

Dad's in the balconies with something in their hands to give us a nice thrashing ( mine had his old shoe and her's had a bat :-) .. and before you get thinking they were not used on us, so no child abuse here ) . Mom's in the drawing rooms with the worried looks and almost at the verge of crying, and our siblings understanding the tension in the house moved to the farthest corner of the house, away from the very sight of mom and dad, lest they bear the brunt of their sisters' mistake.

It really took some convincing and apologizing and what all and what not to evade the outbursts from the Dad's, though if I recall now, I think mom did let her hand move freely..he he

The next day when we exchanged notes on how long we were grounded for, we couldn't contain our laughter on getting to know we shared the same plight. The funniest part ( or now as a parent I think, the scariest for them at that point of time ) was her father had almost stepped out of the house to file a Missing FIR!!!!

That was the last day when we dared do such a thing, after that each of our outings were closely monitored, and most were only to each other's place where parents could call and check where we were.

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Needy- Are they?

And he throws away the piece of Paneer I offered him to eat!!!!!

I thought he was begging because he was hungry ( as that's what he was claiming! ) . So I offer him a piece of what I was eating, he makes faces, then takes it, goes to a corner and throws it away!

And all this while he was knocking at the window pane of the car, saying he had not eaten for so many days, and was starving to death and wanted Rs. 5 to eat something. ( I now want to ask him, do you think the paneer which you threw, would have come in that meager an amount considering the sky-rocketing prices... You actually had the audacity of throwing it away!) .

Not too sure of the authenticity of the statement, but have heard about begging mafias being operational in most of the metros in India. And the fool that I am, used to think it can't be totally true. Why would someone beg, if the only aim is to quench his desire to have some booze or to take a drag of some local marijuana. But there is another side to this as well, where these people are forced to beg and fill the coffers of the so-called bosses.

So should we/shouldn't we give any money to these beggars? I remember, a friend used to often give such people food and I thought she would be getting blessings in return. But this incident set me thinking, if we are offering them food and not money, do we really get any blessings?
There might be the needy ones as well, who are not forced, don't want anything to do with drugs or alcohol and actually only want food. But who is to know which one's are genuine?

The question has been looming on my mind for quite some time now, are we doing them a favor by handing over some money to them? Perhaps the one's they are answerable to , would be happy on getting the money and would spare them of the atrocities that they might be thinking of inflicting on them. Or maybe not, and make their life even tougher. Or maybe it's just their addiction to drugs and nothing more for which they beg.. Who is to know??

The Incorrigible Male driver!!

The usual rant goes something like this,
"Driving at such a speed in the fast lane!! Must be a female driver! ( And wham a tight one on the face, it's a male! )
Overtaking from the wrong direction, must be a female.. ( and there we have a male again!! ;) )!!
Taking forever to start the ignition on a traffic signal,,has to be a female...
Not signalling before taking a turn...
Oh driving with an  L sign on , why don't you learn first and then come on the road ( where would someone learn if not on the roads!!!!!) "

and the list is endless...

If you find someone on the road in the car ahead of you, doing even one of the enlisted things above...it definitely has got to be a woman on the wheels ( or so the men think! ) . However if statistics are anything to go by, more males are involved in reckless driving, fatal crashes, speed violations, stop sign signal violations etc..etc.. as compared to women..
But I am sure, the other sex would here beg to differ with me, because it takes too much of male ego to accept that women can drive well.

In fact, the extent to which they go to defend their own kind is amazing..Even if they see someone of their kind driving incorrectly, they would defend that person, instead of accepting that what he did was wrong.
It's easy to overlook their own faults, but very difficult to overlook even the slightest of mistakes that a woman might make while driving!

Some even have the audacity of putting the blame of their mis-driving ( I know there's no such word ) , on women.. Because the woman driving in front of me, took a sudden turn, I lost control and banged the car. Isn't it your responsibility to take care of how you drive, irrespective of how many fools might be out there on the streets. My father told me, when he started giving me driving lessons," Drive as if the entire world driving around you is mad, and you are the last one left with some sanity. "

I am not denying the fact that some people do end up driving very funnily, but that's not gender specific, it could be anyone. Stop generalizing and stop being judgmental!!

“The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers.” 
― Dave Barry

And oh by-the-way, it just doesn't stop at women...
If someone overtakes you, how dare they!! I need to teach this son-of-a-bitch a lesson of his lifetime, by doing everything possible in my control to overtake him again and then not giving him way to move ahead of me..

If someone honks at you more than once, what is this guys problem in life. He is in too much of a hurry! Now I will make sure that I don't give him any passage!

If someone races ahead of you on a traffic signal, oh alright! You want a race! Bring it on dude! And then there's no holding back the hard press on the accelerator!

Holier than thou..-- Pretenses!

How do you define your connection with God? Is it necessary to chant 10,000 shlokas early in the morning to be one with him? Or is it just a perception?

I believe my relationship with him is more internal than external. I do worship in my heart and I am spiritual, but not a fanatic.

" Oh that boy/girl, is too good. He/She gets up early in the morning and goes to the temple. Great principles have been imbibed in him/her by his/her parents." One of the parameters through which a person is judged by the people. But who knows the same person might be stepping outside the house and behaving in a not so conservative fashion.

The point being, if someone chooses to not put on a miss-goody-two-shoes attitude and presents oneself the way that person is inside out , does it make them a bad person. If someone chooses to not go to the temple regularly, but feel connected to god in the confinement of their own room in some solitary time, does it make them any less spiritual? If you follow all the dogmatic rituals, you are a god fearing human being, but what if you choose to ignore them? How about those god-fearing aunty-ji's who make it a point to attend each and every kirtan gathering in the temple and in their locality, but often end up with bitching sessions about the who's who of the locality in the end of what should have been a spiritually awakening session...

Many a times, people follow a religious or spiritual leader, for the sheer joy of being looked upon as spiritual human beings. Some people worship, because they want to save themselves from the wrath of gods.( Or so they think!!)

Some people I have met, are hypocrites of the first degree in these cases. They would go on and on and on about how they follow certain rituals and how they are so religious and how they find solace in god and only god and how they have nothing to do with the so called "Moh-Maaya". And you turn your back, and they would start ranting about , " oh which brand was she wearing" and " what car do you drive" and " who was so and so going out with" . I thought, you were away from all this, because you are a worshiper and are so wholly solely dedicated to the almighty!!!!!

This entire drama irks me to the extent that I feel like asking such people, why? Why live in pretense? If you have a connection with him, good for you. Stop demeaning those , who choose not to make their personal relationship with him not so public..

The Void :-(

It was 2 p.m. , I got a call from a friend who was just told by a Doctor that he had Cancer. A call, post which, we thought the world was coming to an end. I hurriedly called up Nonie, to inform her of the same, and we decided to meet up with this friend in the evening to make him feel better and see what could be done.

It was the four of us, me,Nonie, THE friend and another friend who met at his place and we all went out for dinner, to make things lighter and less worrisome. We all chatted and laughed and cracked stupid jokes, and when the air felt slightly better, we decided to part ways and go home. Nonie worked in a B.P.O and had a night shift, so as we all headed home, she headed to work. Before leaving for work she dropped me home, this was 11.30 in the night. We, although being child hood friends, were never into hugging each other much, but somehow that night she got off the car hugged me and told I am in no mood to go to work today. Of course, the emotions which were at play due to the news we got earlier in the day were playing havoc with our minds. And I thought, it would be good for her to go to work so that she can try and be back to normal.

Again surprisingly she called me once reaching office, which was quite unlike her. We chatted for a couple of minutes I told her to concentrate on work and relax a bit. 3.30 a.m. she calls me again, I pick up the phone in deep sleep,
" Hello!"
"Oh, you were sleeping", she says.
"Yes, of course!"
" I just thought i'll talk to you...Never mind, you sleep babes, we'll talk in the morning." she says and hangs up..

My phone rings in the morning at 5.30, it's Nonie's mother, " Your friend is DEAD!!"
I tell her to stop joking early in the morning. And she tells me how could I possibly joke about such a thing!

My ears,my hands, my entire body went numb. How could that happen? She was supposed to call me in the morning and have a heart to heart like many occassions in the past!!!! 

Her cab had met with an accident on her way back from work, and 3 people had died, it was flashing all over the news! One of them was her!!! REALLY!! Was it really her???

I still have that question and many a times wake up in the middle of the night, after having a dream about her. Was it really her?? How could she go so soon! Why didn't I ask her not to go to work and crash at my place, like in all previous occassions!!! Whatever happened to the experiences we were yet to share with each other? How many thoughts and feelings are still waiting to come out in front of her, but where is she?

I still have her number saved in my phone, wishing that someday I would call her and she would pick up the phone with the same giggle in her voice. I know that's not going to happen, but still I hope against hope. She left a space in my heart, which could not be filled by anyone.

I just want you to know, wherever you are, YOU were, YOU are and YOU would always remain THE BEST-EST FRIEND in the whole wide world.

I wish I could talk to you, just one more time. Would say all the things unsaid, would share all the feelings unshared, would pour my heart out!

I Wish!!!