Wednesday 14 December 2016

Being Human

Friendships always play a very pivotal role in our life. Right from the time we start socializing as a toddler till we grow old and die.

How strongly they make or break us, impact us, define our happiness and sorrows et al.

Specially the friendships one fosters as a child. They always remain a part of you and you being. It is rightly said, childhood friends are the best friends. But what-if some of these child hood friends don't leave very pleasant memories?

As a child i remember we used to be 5 friends in school, one being our group leader and the favorite of all, let's just call her - "The Queen". This one was the desirable bitch who everyone wanted to befriend and please. The one on who's command people would talk to you or not talk to you. Sometimes you would be left alone in your game periods because the Queen would have proclaimed that day she was upset with you for so and so reason. Some days you would having your lunch alone, because again the Queen didn't wish to have lunch with you. And of course since she was the Queen, the other bees in the colony would only follow her diktat.

During those days you would all but cry in a corner, hiding your tears from everyone, lest you would be called a sissy. However unwillingly you would be getting bullied by the whims and fancies of the queen.

Years later, when I think about this situation I only wonder how this Queen's behavior altered the personalities of the other children around. My observations now, on how the child's psyche must be getting impacted in the long run:
  • The other bees in the class would lack leadership skills and would always be people pleasers because of the fear of standing out. They would always go with the herd and wouldn't dare speak their mind
  • The one who was left isolated, would feel insecure and would always remain in self-doubt. Would never really understand what he/she did which made them drift away from him/her.
  • Also, the one who was left isolated would have deep scars in his mind because of such treatment from the peers. He would either internalize it and keep it pent up and every failure he faces from people around would add a brick to this wall. OR he would become a rebel and care less and less about the world around him because no matter what he does - haters gonna hate! But this would impact his bonds with people in the longer run.
I have known people, and have been one of them who carry a lot of hurt from their childhood into their adult lives. 

My conclusion from this: it's very important that we make our children compassionate. We teach them how important it is to be humans first and superior or inferior later. How it is very important to be kind and loving to people around us. 

Hopefully by doing this, we would help them in understanding the importance of bonds and how they should be cherished. We would help them in understanding emotional deprivation is one of the biggest reasons people suffer more and more trauma in the later years.

Monday 8 February 2016

The Chronicles of a Toddler Foretold

As I struggle each day, to balance mommy-hood and the working woman dynamics, my grey cells are turning even greyer ( so much so, they have started showing in the form of greys on my head ).

Have been perilously wanting to get back my abandoned blog , but kept failing with my each attempt.. The writer's block had struck me and I thought I didn't even know how to write!! So, this morning en-route office it came upon me to write about what eats up my time and energy and whatever else is left ;-)

Following is a summary of events of how a day would pass, for most of us having a toddler at home.
And for those who don't yet have one -- wait till it happens to you!!!!

  1. The waking up ritual, which would begin with sweet Good Mornings, soon turns into a wailing session the moment you leave the child and go to the wash-room. You only wonder what ensued! When you come out and figure out the reason, you abandoned him and went to the wash room!!! 
  2. You start cajoling him into getting ready for a shower and a dress up , since he needs to go to his school and you need to rush to work. He wants to take a shower on his own, brush his teeth on his own and at times even would want to brush your teeth!!! After a good 15 mins, half soaked in baby soap and water you finally manage to step out of the bathroom after a good cleaning up session
  3. Dressing up-- Mumma never knows what clothes to wear! The toddler would always dictate what he wants to wear and no matter how much you convince him against wearing Red shoes with Yellow hoodie he would still wear that and go to school looking like a Western Tanager.
  4. Feeding him before he leaves for school is a zone I don't even want to enter into.. That actually deserves an entire post..
  5. And then our saviour - The CAB Uncle (as my little one calls him), comes to our rescue to take him to school.
I forgot to mention during this 1.5-2 hours at least 4-5 times he rolls on the floor and cries for something which didn't happen the way he wanted ( could be anything!! ).
After this I rush to work acting like a whirlwind and getting ready as fast as I possibly can, and thus our mornings begin.

The day goes by without much toddler activity, since mommy is at work and evenings are awaited to be re-united with your baby while you kept thinking throughout the day how you could have handled such and such tantrum better, and how you should not have shouted and how you feel guilty about not being there once he reaches back home from school etc. etc.

You enter the door in the evening and come home to your baby who greets you with a big grin and a sloppy kiss and the warmest bear hug possible. But this all but lasts for 2 minutes when you are ordered to go to the room and fetch this or that from one of the almirah's.

You ask for time to freshen up and change- and a tantrum breaks.. You convince him as soon as you are done with getting into your pyjamas and freshening up you would do all that he demands. 5 mins are given to you in which you can't lock the door for the fear that you would leave him out of the room. A quick dress change later you are at the mercy of your little prince/ princess!

While you try your best to discipline him tactfully while playing with him and a tantrum or two are thrown your way. You try to be patient for as long as you can and then go fetch dinner.. 

What happens from Dinner till bed time is chaos, noise, shouting in between cuddles and kissing the owies several times.

Bedtime-- what is that? Who want's to sleep? Not the toddler for sure! Today the lullaby would be sung by the toddler and mumma would be put to bed!!!